‘You’re nothing to me’

Posted: September 13, 2010 in Damned binaries, Gender, Personal, Relationships
Tags: , , ,

I’ve heard this so many times.

If you’re not a man or a woman, you’re nothing.

or

You’re nothing to me if you’re not a woman or a man.

It hurts. These are my friends saying this. They know I’m plenty of things. I’m a metalhead, I’m a bassist, I’m a knowledge freak, I’m various other kinds of freaks, I’m occasionally funny, I’m on the whole a good friend… So why are they saying that kind of thing? I hoped that I would be able to change their views about gender being necessary and binary. Months after coming out, I still get this stuff. I hate having to resent my friends, but I prefer to get it out there to holding it in, since I know I hold things down inside for far too long till they start knawing into me. There’s a lot I could be saying about them. I’m trying to stay understanding because I can see it’s hard for them… but can’t they see it’s hard for me as well?

And when I explain the fact that I hate my name and being called with it sets off a niggling pain, sometimes I get;

It hasn’t hurt you before now.

I don’t tell you everything I feel as I’m feeling it! What do you think the closet means?

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