I exist.

Posted: November 4, 2010 in Bodies, Damned binaries, Gender, Personal
Tags: , ,

I exist.

I know this because, well, I’m sitting here typing away. There’s a computer in front of me, and I can see its glow. I can see my music player charging from it. I can see the records in the corner of the room. I can hear the tap running. I can hear the computer humming. I can hear a car outside. I can feel my hair drying. I can feel the keys beneath my fingers. I can feel the new bruise at the top of my arm. The computer reacts to me; I am influencing it, controlling it. I just went and did the washing up; the plates now lie stacked chaotically on the draining board.

I have no gender.

I know this because, well, I tried. I have attempted to identify as both binary genders, and for a while attempted to identify as a non-binary one. All attempts failed, and caused me misery.

So we have a human being, who definitely exists, as a person with no gender. It’s not really that complicated a concept.

So why do people insist on saying that I am my assigned gender? Because if you think I am my assigned gender, you can’t see me; so I do not exist to you. Why do people insist that there is no ‘between genders’? Because if you think I have binary gender, you can’t see me; so I do not exist to you. Why do people insist that there is no outside to gender? Because if you think I have gender, you can’t see me; so I do not exist to you.

However, I patently do exist.

The problem is not me. My self is not a problem. 1, I hurt nobody by being myself, and 2, I hurt myself more by not being. The problem is social attitudes – people’s attitudes. So I set out to change them, one at a time. I am a human being; I exist; I am not going to change because society says I should.

If you do not know me, do not judge me. If you do know me, you know that I exist.

And I’m fed up of seeing people who’ve obviously never set eyes on a non-cis person, or a person without binary gender, or a person without gender, theorising about me. About my self. Hammering me into their theories and saying I don’t exist if I don’t fit. Devaluing the reality I live. Denying me my own self-determination.

And I’m fed up of seeing people who know perfectly well that I exist denying that fact.

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Comments
  1. Pieface says:

    😦
    I see you!

  2. Pieface says:

    No, I’m standing behind you… Dun dun dun

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