Posted: February 14, 2011 in Education, Personal, Relationships, Science
Tags: , , ,

Quick personal post – TW for discussion of hatred of non-heterosexuals.

So, yonks ago, this happened. This girl, who states openly that she is a homophobe, is in my psychology class. I keep getting put in a group with her. This makes me extremely uncomfortable for obvious reasons – I am non-heterosexual, hatred of non-heterosexuals is likely to coincide with hatred of non-cis folks, I am non-cis. There are ridiculous numbers of rumours about my sexuality going around, I don’t know what she’s heard, I don’t know what she believes, I don’t know whether she’s stumbled upon the truth from the many people I am out to.

I said to myself that I would keep my head down and hope that the teachers didn’t group me with her for group work, and that if they did I would do something about it. It’s happened twice now in quick succession. I have the email addresses of my teachers. I want to email them asking them politely to not group me with her.

However, there are problems. Do I tell them why, out myself to people in a position of authority over me? Do I not tell them why and risk them thinking me a petty feuder? What will happen if I send them? They’ve known her for years, me for months. She seems to be a bit of a favourite pupil, and while I’m not an unfavourite I’m still an unknown quantity. What if either of the teachers are heterosexist? I know one of them is cissexist, since she managed to trigger me her very first lesson, so that doesn’t bode well. What if they want to speak to her about it?

This is literally just a personal ramble, putting down into the void of the internet my feelings around the issue. I have no idea what I’m going to do. I might send an email to my favourite of the teachers and ask her to sensitively explain it to the others…

  1. Dee says:

    This happened to me once, or something similar. In my case I asked the teacher not to put me in a group with the girl I didn’t want to deal with. She asked me why not and I politely declined to answer.

    Well the next day our assigned seats changed and I was supposed to sit next to her! Pretty much every teacher-chosen group project after that I was grouped with her. I finally got fed up and asked for an explanation. Apparently “People should learn to resolve their differences! Not just avoid each other!”

    So, unless you give the teachers a good reason, prepare for your discomfort to be turned into an idiotic, forced ‘learning opportunity’.

    That said, I think asking the one you trust to explain to the others is a good idea. It’ll carry more weight coming from her, and you might be able to get away with not disclosing everything to everyone.

    • JKBC says:

      That was a really awful thing for your teacher to do; I’m sorry that happened. I’ll bear that in mind, because although I don’t think either of these would do that, I don’t know for sure and I’d rather not take the chance. Thank you. I still haven’t decided whether to actually say something or not, but if I do I’ll definitely be speaking to the one I trust more first.

      • Dee says:

        Sorry, that was a bit of a bitter rant wasn’t it? Food for thought anyway. I think the problem was the teacher thought I didn’t have a legitimate reason for avoiding this girl. If you explain it well they’ll probably be good about it. But explaining without outing yourself? Tricky!

        And hello, by the way. I’m a cis hetero girl who landed here on a quest to learn more about trans issues, and I’m learning a lot, so thank you.

        • JKBC says:

          Don’t worry about the rantiness, I know the feeling… Normally I’m not too worried about outing myself, it’s just it being people in a position of authority makes it pretty eekish.

          I’m glad you’re learning from this! Other great non-cis blogs/bloggers to read and absorb information from are Questioning Transphobia, Genderbitch, Genderfork and Below the Belt, among others.

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