Apologies for the lack of posts. Life. New morning/afternoon routine that involves a bike and extreme tiredness. Not feeling well. All the normal excuses! However, I will try, after this rather substandard post, to get back to a regular, plentiful posting schedule.

I define my sexuality as pan/demisexual. Simple reasons – aesthetically attracted to and open to mental connection with people of any gender, but with sex as basically the bottom of the priority list. But if someone were to be attracted to me – to any non-binary person – what would they call it?

Most terms for sexuality exclude non-binary folks already. Gay/homosexual – possible, although unlikely; for me, that would mean being only attracted to agender folks. Heterosexual – once you take that out of the binary, HEAD EXPLOSION. Hetero means different. So if I, as an agender person, was attracted to androgynes, I’d be heterosexual. And a woman attracted to genderqueer people would be heterosexual. And a neutrois person attracted to men would be heterosexual. Lovely. Confusing.

As for bisexual? It doesn’t automatically erase us, although the assumption that it means men and women does. A person attracted to genderqueer folks and bigender folks would be bisexual. Polysexual is okay, although people WILL get it muddled with polyamorous – polysexual=attracted to many genders/nongenders, polyamorous=capable of loving more than one person at once. Pansexual is so broad it encompasses anything, although there are a lot of BIRDSHITS who think it means ‘men, women and trans folks’ (ie binary trans folks). Er, no – the whole concept is due to the fact that THERE ARE MORE THAN TWO GENDERS HELLO. There are other terms, some not even related to gender – for example, sapiosexual is attracted to intelligence.

I have liked terms like gynophilic and androphilic in the past, and they’re great for the binary genders. But non-binary folks? Nothing. Neutrophilic is probably a possible for neutrois folks, and androgynophilic for androgynes – the rest of us get left with strange put-together sounding terms. Agendophilic – bigendophilic – genderqueerophilic (oh dear. first two were all right, third one went a bit wrong).

It’s a conundrum. Rambling post is rambling. Sexuality can be fluid anyway, so it probably doesn’t matter much. Just one more area of language build with our door walled off though…

  1. The Nerd says:

    Saphiosexual! That sounds so much smarter than my term for it: nerd-queer. I’m genderqueer, but if I had to be specific, I’d call my gender “nerd”. And I’m rather attracted to nerdiness in others, independent of their sex traits.

    I actually have to credit my friend’s skepticism for my gender discovery. I told him “I think I’m nerd-sexual, since I’m basically only attracted to nerds and nerdiness.” “That’s silly,” he said, “nerd isn’t a gender.” LIGHTBULB! “But it should be!”

    Just as not all masculine people are men and not all feminine people are female, I don’t go around telling nerdy people that nerd is their gender. But I’m hoping that in the future, we’ll see more people identifying along the nerd spectrum of gender. 🙂

    • JKBC says:

      I don’t know where sapiosexual – my bad, there’s no ‘h’, sorry – came from, but I saw it on tumblr first a few months back. I thought it was something to do with Sapphic… then I actually Googled and found out what it was.

      Agreed, why shouldn’t nerd be a gender? And it seems perfectly logical to be attracted to certain traits (like nerdiness) in others; it’s kinda surprising that more of those terms haven’t popped up.

  2. Alex says:

    Well I’m bi and I use its original definition when it got used with people and that is both the same and different. Homo and hetero. I can like men, women, intersex, or anything else on the spectrum of gender. I do not use it to mean I like “two”. That is not what bisexuality was for. If people really want a sexuality that just refers to two why don’t they call it “duosexuality”.

    • JKBC says:

      It’s not for me to dictate your identity; obviously it’s fine for you to ID how you feel comfortable. The problem that I was pointing out is that most people think of ‘bi’ as meaning ‘two,’ which means that oftentimes I see it used in a binarist way; it’s not automatically binarist but usage can make it so.

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